EPISODES 21 - 30
Episode Twenty-One: Is This My Life or a Haunted Fun House?
Trauma isn’t just what happened to us, but also what doesn’t happen to us, including missed opportunities, especially in childhood. There won’t always be triggers as reminders as so much of that trauma already lives within us.
Our bodies respond to trauma in many ways. Some are obvious, however, many become invaluable, built-in ways to keep us alert and keep us safe. These responses are not excuses, nor are they choices…most of the time. Rather than waiting for triggers, we must learn to listen to our bodies as they store, manifest, process and release the trauma that has become an undeniable part of who we are. We must be ready at all times. I’m ready!
I hold the key to my haunted fun house and there isn’t a clown in sight.
Released on 25th August 2024
Episode Twenty-Two: I Never Said You Had to Choose
Why has the image of ‘the black sheep’ lasted so long? It is easier to identify that family member as the one who ‘doesn’t fit in’ or ‘doesn’t quite belong.’ Separation is the key. Other family members would rather let the black sheep get on with their own life than jeopardise their designated place in the flock. Having said that, it is possible to be an ally to the target child in the family. Some ways require little or no effort, while others take tremendous bravery and courage. The target child doesn’t make anyone choose. There are no ultimatums on the table. So, it is up to the ally to define their involvement. A shout out to all those who have chosen to be an ally. It takes someone special…someone with courage…to stand with the target child of the narcissist.
Released on 8th September 2024
Episode Twenty-Three: No Room For Guilt
As a confident, articulate child of narcissistic parents, I open the door - wide open - during conversations about family relationships. The question I am asked the most is, “Will you feel guilty if/when your parents become ill or when they die?” My answer is always the same. “There will be no room for guilt.” Will there be tears? Most definitely…for all that could have been…under different circumstances. Instead of guilt, I will experience peace (as I already do), knowing that I did everything I could.
Released on 22nd September 2024
Episode Twenty-Four: It’s the Longest Egg and Spoon Race
At times, I feel like 5 year old me, standing at the start line of the Egg and Spoon Race. The difference is, I am no longer carrying a raw egg, but rather my trauma, which often makes me feel fragile, vulnerable and easy to break. I carry it with due care. I must carry it alone. I mustn’t drop it until the finish line. So far, my race has lasted nearly 60 years. Unlike 5 year old me, I can step back and see the bigger picture. When I am given the luxury of time, head space and the room to process, I can eventually see the humour where it is acceptable.
Laughter has kept me sane. I kid you not.
Released on 6th October 2024
Episode Twenty-Five: Begging Wasn’t My Best Look
For most of my life - if not all of it - I felt like I was begging to belong to my own birth family. Sounds crazy…I know. Whilst begging, I was searching for answers. “What was wrong with me? Why was I difficult to like? Why was I impossible to love?” Instead of answers, I got sarcastic remarks, humiliating scenarios and more reasons to ask those questions.
Over time, I learned to deal with my own rejection, but nothing could have prepared me for the transfer of negativity to my children. They were treated differently purely as a by-product of being related to me. It demonstrates just how much power narcissistic parents have.
Am I still begging? NO. Why? Because I do belong. I belong to my own tribe of 5+3. My begging days are over.
Released on 20th October 2024
Episode Twenty-Seven: Were Mine Drawn With Invisible Ink?
Instead of acknowledging and respecting boundaries, narcissistic parents move them, swap them, erase them, ignore them or create something new in their place…all to suit their plans…their strategies…their needs.
Boundaries aren’t invisible lines. They help us establish respect and trust, as well as create a safe space. So, when lines are crossed - emotionally and physically - trust can diminish or disappear altogether. As a result, nothing is sacred and nowhere is safe. That’s why I’m convinced that, as a child of narcissistic parents, my boundaries must have been drawn with invisible ink. How else could I explain why they didn’t see them?
Released on 17th November 2024
Episode Twenty-Six: Let’s Make a Big Splash
This episode is about daring…daring you to make hard and unpopular choices. Keep an open mind. I want to encourage you to go ONE STEP FURTHER. As I am not walking your journey, I don’t know what your one step further looks like. Take a moment to look at your current situation. Is there one thing you have been wanting to ask, say or share? What has been holding you back?
In my mind, there are various ‘levels of dare.’ Each one takes courage and each one can be considered its own win. When we are ready and able to conquer all three levels - see it, prepare it and do it - we make a BIG SPLASH!
Come on! Let’s make a big splash together!
Released on 3rd November 2024
Episode Twenty-Eight: No Cape - No Problem
The bottom line is… I could have become bitter. (I suppose there’s still time. ha ha) Instead, I chose to become better…a choice I have made over and over again. How? I have acquired ‘super powers.’ Okay. I’m not invisible, nor can I fly, but I can detect a lie from miles away. BAM! And, I am fearless in the presence of my enemies. KA-POW!
Although I have plenty of reasons to become bitter, I used my homegrown ‘super powers’ to focus on the things and people I do have and chose to develop the goodness within. Was it easy? Hell no! Was it worth it? 100%.
How did you escape the bitter bullet?
Released on 1st December 2024
Episode Twenty-Nine: All I Want For Christmas Is…
Unless you grew up under a rock, every holiday comes with a huge bubble of expectations…like one of those massive balloons filled with confetti. But, as a child of narcissistic parents, the mere mention of holidays can cause anxiety, fear, stress, worry or dread…all of that just in the lead up to the big day…in the ‘sleeps’ before it’s finally here.
Most of the holidays are like speed bumps. We are expected to slow down, acknowledge that they are here and get over them without much effort. But, Christmas is definitely in a league of its own. For many, it becomes a survival game rather than a reason to celebrate.
All I want for Christmas is for you to hope, believe and celebrate. I want you to know the magic that you deserve.
Released on 15th December 2024
Episode Thirty: Were They Absent On That Day?
No matter how little my grandparents had in their childhood (more than 100 years ago), there was one thing they definitely DID HAVE - a sense of right and wrong.
As discussed in previous episodes, one element of narcissistic parenting that will NEVER be understood is their ability to cheat morality…even though it has been around since the beginning of time.
The conclusion I have drawn is not only were they absent the day it was taught, but, while playing hooky, they wrote their own ‘moral code.’
When I look at my notes, I am reminded that if I do it once, it is a mistake. If I do it more than once, it is a choice. Their notes, however, make no sense at all.
I am left with many questions, but at least I know the difference between right and wrong. They don’t. Those poor, unfortunate souls.