Podcast Episodes
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Episodes will be released fortnightly on Sundays
Episode One: Welcome to Daughters Who Dare
You found us! Welcome to the Daughters Who Dare community. I like using the word community because many of us have felt alone as we learned how to survive and thrive as children of narcissistic parents. We will be having honest and organic conversations about all aspects of this unique relationship. As well as speaking our truth, we are bringing hope and humour to the table. Grab a coffee and get comfortable. We’re glad you’re here.
Released on 3rd December 2023
Episode Two: So Many Definitions of a Narcissistic Mother
If asked to define a narcissistic parent, we may use similar words, but our experiences make each definition unique. In this episode, we touch the tip of the narcissistic iceberg, knowing full well that there is so much to explore beneath the surface. There isn’t a dictionary big enough to contain all of our definitions and words may be limiting or not suffice, but we have made a start. Writing our own definitions and knowing what they are matters.
Released on 3rd December 2023
Episode Three: Ready or Not - You’re Welcome Here
Growing up and dealing with a narcissist parent can be challenging, exhausting, even soul destroying. But it doesn’t have to hold you down or hold you back. When I was younger, I would have loved to find and connect with others who got it…who got me. That acceptance, support and validation would have been life-changing. Although I didn’t have it, I wanted to create it. Wherever you are in your journey, come and join us. We get it. We’ve got you.
Released on 17th December 2023
Episode Four: There is No Answer Sheet
In order to survive and thrive as a child of a narcissistic parent, you need to find tools and strategies that work for you. I wish I could hand out cliff notes or a cheat sheet that had all the answers. They don’t exist. When you realise the truth, naming it and accepting it for what it is, you figure it out the best way you can. Our stories may be unique, but they share a common thread.
Released on 31st December 2023
Episode Five: I Want to Be a Mom - But, Not My Mom
On my 1st birthday, I got my first doll baby. From that moment on, I wanted to be a Mom. I had it all planned out. I would get married and have four children and, as promised in all the fairy tales, live happily ever after. My role play looked nothing like real life. As I got older, the dream was mixed with fear. I wanted to be a mom, but not my mom. Could I separate the two
Released on 14th January 2024
Episode Six: Parents Do Their Best…But Do They?
“Parents do their best.” I have heard that statement all of my life. I don’t agree. The truth is that some parents make good choices and make some mistakes, all with good intentions and a sincere heart. Other parents don’t. Believing that statement, as a child of a narcissist, only made me full of blame, shame and guilt. It also relieved the parent of any responsibility or accountability because they were ‘doing their best’. In this episode, I challenge that all too familiar phrase and set the story straight.
Released on 28th January 2024
Episode Seven: Keep Your Receipts
One of the favourite things a narcissistic parent does is try to make you think you’re crazy. It doesn’t stop there. They need to convince others too. So, keep your receipts. Holding onto the truth, no matter the format, enables you to preserve your sanity. It sounds dramatic, but those reminders can be game-changers. They are proof. You aren’t crazy. They are.
Released on 11th February 2024
Episode Eight: Once You See It, You Can’t Unsee It
I didn’t always use that word - narcissist. But, once I did, it stuck like a label on a pickle jar. For years, I would describe her in many words and give examples of her nasty behaviour and show the many scars I live with, but true clarity happened when I saw her for what she is. My eyes and ears were fully opened. Now, I can’t unsee it.
Released on 25th February 2024
Episode Nine: Sorry…Not Sorry!
Forgiveness is hard to do, especially as the child of a narcissist. I was expected to forgive, yet the adult in the relationship could do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. It didn’t make sense. It wasn’t fair. So, I made the decision…a huge decision. I didn’t need to forgive them. Instead, I began to forgive myself.
Released on 10th March 2024
Episode Ten: I’m Possible
How often do we take time to stop and reflect? It is not only important, but necessary to do just that. As the relationship between child and narcissistic parent lasts a lifetime (and beyond), those pauses can make all the difference. Every now and again, allow yourself the time. Take a good look at who you are and just how far you have come. You did that! Be proud!
Released on 24th March 2024
Episode Eleven: The Other Parent
When I told others that I was raised by a narcissist, they would often reply, ‘Well, at least you had two parents. At least the other parent was there for you.” How I wish that were true! How I still wish that was true!
One of the toughest pills I had to swallow was accepting the fact that both parents were equally responsible for their actions and choices. One parent will always be the narcissist. The other parent will never have my back. A sad truth, yet my truth nonetheless.
Released on 7th April 2024
Episode Twelve: Three Strikes…You’re Out!
There are many types of love language, but my favourite language is words of affirmation. Words matter, am I right? I appreciate the words, but, sometimes, I appreciate the underlying message even more. A simple baseball reference like, “Three strikes…you’re out!” may seem silly and insignificant to others. But, in my case, I heard, “I see you. I hear you. I believe you. You are loved.” Those words of affirmation were life changing. I will never forget them. I am a child of not one narcissistic parent, but three (hence the baseball reference). I may have struck out in the mother department, but I haven’t lost the game.
Released on 21st April 2024
Episode Thirteen: It Comes In Waves
Some days, I wonder if I should have called this podcast “Daughters Who Are Terrified”rather than “Daughters Who Dare.” The fear is real…often too real. As a child of narcissistic parents, I have had to learn ways to face, jump, ride, manage and survive the waves, whether that was in tiny, trickling ones or waves that knocked me off my feet. Although I can disguise, delay and deny the fear…it doesn’t go away. Let’s stand and face the waves together.
Released on 5th May 2024
Episode Fourteen: Did We Grow Up In The Same House?
One of the reasons I started a Book Club over 20 years ago is because I love the diversity of perceptions and opinions. I find it incredibly fascinating that six people can read the same book and yet it often feels as though we met different characters and read different plots. And, just like that, four children lived in the same house, raised by the same parents and yet, somehow, my story reads so differently to theirs. My siblings didn’t write a different story for me…my narcissistic parents did. As a result, I often look at my siblings and want to ask, “Did we really grow up in the same house?”
Released on 19th May 2024
Episode Sixteen: So Many Missed Memories
Why is it that, in the English language, there aren’t more words for grief, especially since there are so many different kinds?
As a child of a narcissist, I refer to the most difficult, confusing, inexplicable grief as missed moments. That grief stings the most because a) the other person is still alive b) the other person is cognitively aware of their actions and c) I had to watch my parent create memories with other people…three of whom were my siblings. Knowing and accepting the fact that I was stuck with my narcissistic parent was my first real experience of grief…a grief I have carried with me all my life. How I wish there was a word big enough to describe and explain that type of grief.
Released on 16th June 2024
Episode Fifteen: Say It…I Dare You!
Say It…I Dare You!
Cliches have a lot to answer for. Although they usually come from a good place and are well-intentioned, they aren’t often received in the same way.
When I tell someone that I no longer have a relationship with a family member, I brace myself and wait for them to say, “Life is too short.” I want to scream, “Too short for what?” but, instead I calmly reply, “It was a last resort. I have tried everything…absolutely everything.” Believe me.
Released on 2nd June 2024
Episode Seventeen: It’s Not For the Faint of Heart (Part One)
As the Queen of Analogies, I offer two more scenarios that relate to the experience of being a child of a narcissistic parent: sailing solo around the world and climbing Mount Everest. Unlike the trained sailor, I was ‘put’ in my boat to sail alone without any skills, instructor, compass or even oars for that matter. And, like the skilled climber, I was left to face so many elements, most of them out of my control. Why those examples, you ask? It refers to my decision to go NO CONTACT. This episode isn’t about defining that term, but rather exploring what it means, uncovering its many layers and processing all that it uncovers. Everyone’s experience of NO CONTACT will look different. That’s okay. It is such a complex topic and a HUGE decision. Let’s sail this ship and climb this mountain together.
Released on 30th June 2024
Episode Nineteen: Standing Here Thinking, “What Have I Done?”
Hindsight can be a lovely thing…or not. When I look back on my journey, on the mountain I have climbed, the one that involved navigating relationships with narcissistic parents, I can SEE the same view but FEEL completely different emotions. The mountain I climbed hasn’t changed. I have. When I listen to other voices, I hear them say, “Well, you did that! You made that happen! It’s all on you!” Some days, those words become fuel for my fire of doubt. But, on other days, those words become reminders of all I have achieved and all I have become. When I listen to my own voice, I hear myself ask, “Would I do it all again?” And, without hesitation, I answer, “YES!” What have I done? I have dared to live a life filled with honesty, humour and hope. That’s what I’ve done.
Released on 28th July 2024
Episode Eighteen: It’s Not For the Faint of Heart (Part Two)
NO CONTACT must be one of the most complex topics, especially when referring to parental relationships. When I made the decision to go NO CONTACT, it was the first time in my life that I was telling my mother how things were going to be. I was the one dictating what our relationship would look like…non-existent. That worked for me. But, did it work for her?
Well, the best way I can answer that is things got messy. It wasn’t just about the two of us. The decision would impact the entire family. I am still facing the consequences and counting the cost . . . but, my decision still stands. Now, two episodes later, can you see why I say it isn’t for the faint of heart?
Released on 14th July 2024
Episode Twenty: What’s in Your Tool Box?
I am incredibly curious. How do some people manage not just to survive but to thrive? What tools do they have in their tool box? That is one HUGE philosophical question. When I take a peek into my tool box, I see the ones I have collected throughout my lifetime. Each tool comes with memories, emotions and names of those who helped me to collect them. I wouldn’t be here without them. But, my tool box does not protect me from other options, other choices or other habits that may feel easier or quicker in the moment. At any point in my life, addictions could have replaced any or all of those tools. The struggle is real. How did I survive and thrive? I carry my tool box with me wherever I go. I am proud of the tools I have collected but I have plenty of room for more.
Released on 11th August 2024
Episode Twenty-One: Is This My Life or a Haunted Fun House?
Trauma isn’t just what happened to us, but also what doesn’t happen to us, including missed opportunities, especially in childhood. There won’t always be triggers as reminders as so much of that trauma already lives within us.
Our bodies respond to trauma in many ways. Some are obvious, however, many become invaluable, built-in ways to keep us alert and keep us safe. These responses are not excuses, nor are they choices…most of the time. Rather than waiting for triggers, we must learn to listen to our bodies as they store, manifest, process and release the trauma that has become an undeniable part of who we are. We must be ready at all times. I’m ready!
I hold the key to my haunted fun house and there isn’t a clown in sight.
Released on 25th August 2024
Episode Twenty-Two: I Never Said You Had to Choose
Why has the image of ‘the black sheep’ lasted so long? It is easier to identify that family member as the one who ‘doesn’t fit in’ or ‘doesn’t quite belong.’ Separation is the key. Other family members would rather let the black sheep get on with their own life than jeopardise their designated place in the flock. Having said that, it is possible to be an ally to the target child in the family. Some ways require little or no effort, while others take tremendous bravery and courage. The target child doesn’t make anyone choose. There are no ultimatums on the table. So, it is up to the ally to define their involvement. A shout out to all those who have chosen to be an ally. It takes someone special…someone with courage…to stand with the target child of the narcissist.
Released on 8th September 2024
Episode Twenty-Three: No Room For Guilt
As a confident, articulate child of narcissistic parents, I open the door - wide open - during conversations about family relationships. The question I am asked the most is, “Will you feel guilty if/when your parents become ill or when they die?” My answer is always the same. “There will be no room for guilt.” Will there be tears? Most definitely…for all that could have been…under different circumstances. Instead of guilt, I will experience peace (as I already do), knowing that I did everything I could.
Released on 22nd September 2024
Episode Twenty-Four: It’s the Longest Egg and Spoon Race
At times, I feel like 5 year old me, standing at the start line of the Egg and Spoon Race. The difference is, I am no longer carrying a raw egg, but rather my trauma, which often makes me feel fragile, vulnerable and easy to break. I carry it with due care. I must carry it alone. I mustn’t drop it until the finish line. So far, my race has lasted nearly 60 years. Unlike 5 year old me, I can step back and see the bigger picture. When I am given the luxury of time, head space and the room to process, I can eventually see the humour where it is acceptable.
Laughter has kept me sane. I kid you not.
Released on 6th October 2024
Episode Twenty-Five: Begging Wasn’t My Best Look
For most of my life - if not all of it - I felt like I was begging to belong to my own birth family. Sounds crazy…I know. Whilst begging, I was searching for answers. “What was wrong with me? Why was I difficult to like? Why was I impossible to love?” Instead of answers, I got sarcastic remarks, humiliating scenarios and more reasons to ask those questions.
Over time, I learned to deal with my own rejection, but nothing could have prepared me for the transfer of negativity to my children. They were treated differently purely as a by-product of being related to me. It demonstrates just how much power narcissistic parents have.
Am I still begging? NO. Why? Because I do belong. I belong to my own tribe of 5+3. My begging days are over.
Released on 20th October 2024
Episode Twenty-Seven: Were Mine Drawn With Invisible Ink?
Instead of acknowledging and respecting boundaries, narcissistic parents move them, swap them, erase them, ignore them or create something new in their place…all to suit their plans…their strategies…their needs.
Boundaries aren’t invisible lines. They help us establish respect and trust, as well as create a safe space. So, when lines are crossed - emotionally and physically - trust can diminish or disappear altogether. As a result, nothing is sacred and nowhere is safe. That’s why I’m convinced that, as a child of narcissistic parents, my boundaries must have been drawn with invisible ink. How else could I explain why they didn’t see them?
Released on 17th November 2024
Episode Twenty-Six: Let’s Make a Big Splash
This episode is about daring…daring you to make hard and unpopular choices. Keep an open mind. I want to encourage you to go ONE STEP FURTHER. As I am not walking your journey, I don’t know what your one step further looks like. Take a moment to look at your current situation. Is there one thing you have been wanting to ask, say or share? What has been holding you back?
In my mind, there are various ‘levels of dare.’ Each one takes courage and each one can be considered its own win. When we are ready and able to conquer all three levels - see it, prepare it and do it - we make a BIG SPLASH!
Come on! Let’s make a big splash together!
Released on 3rd November 2024
Episode Twenty-Eight: No Cape - No Problem
The bottom line is… I could have become bitter. (I suppose there’s still time. ha ha) Instead, I chose to become better…a choice I have made over and over again. How? I have acquired ‘super powers.’ Okay. I’m not invisible, nor can I fly, but I can detect a lie from miles away. BAM! And, I am fearless in the presence of my enemies. KA-POW!
Although I have plenty of reasons to become bitter, I used my homegrown ‘super powers’ to focus on the things and people I do have and chose to develop the goodness within. Was it easy? Hell no! Was it worth it? 100%.
How did you escape the bitter bullet?
Released on 1st December 2024
Episode Twenty-Nine: All I Want For Christmas Is…
Unless you grew up under a rock, every holiday comes with a huge bubble of expectations…like one of those massive balloons filled with confetti. But, as a child of narcissistic parents, the mere mention of holidays can cause anxiety, fear, stress, worry or dread…all of that just in the lead up to the big day…in the ‘sleeps’ before it’s finally here.
Most of the holidays are like speed bumps. We are expected to slow down, acknowledge that they are here and get over them without much effort. But, Christmas is definitely in a league of its own. For many, it becomes a survival game rather than a reason to celebrate.
All I want for Christmas is for you to hope, believe and celebrate. I want you to know the magic that you deserve.
Released on 15th December 2024
Episode Thirty: Were They Absent On That Day?
No matter how little my grandparents had in their childhood (more than 100 years ago), there was one thing they definitely DID HAVE - a sense of right and wrong.
As discussed in previous episodes, one element of narcissistic parenting that will NEVER be understood is their ability to cheat morality…even though it has been around since the beginning of time.
The conclusion I have drawn is not only were they absent the day it was taught, but, while playing hooky, they wrote their own ‘moral code.’
When I look at my notes, I am reminded that if I do it once, it is a mistake. If I do it more than once, it is a choice. Their notes, however, make no sense at all.
I am left with many questions, but at least I know the difference between right and wrong. They don’t. Those poor, unfortunate souls.
Released on 29th December 2024
Episode Thirty-Two: This Doesn’t Get Easier. You Get Stronger.
FACT: Some things in life DO get easier. Being a child of narcissistic parents isn’t one of them. Sorry.
Time, experience, learned wisdom and repetition can make learning a skill, raising a child or facing a tech demon not only bearable but - dare I say - easy. The same can not be said for these unique family relationships. This doesn’t get easier. You get stronger. In spite of it all, you can choose positivity, hope and happiness. You can engage with the world wide community, hearing other stories, collecting strategies and sound advice, all while being reminded that you are not alone. While I had to muddle alone, this generation has the internet at their fingertips. Seek, share, listen and learn.
Together we can change this from mission impossible to mission possible.
Released on 26th January 2025
Episode Thirty-One: Don’t Panic! It’s Just a Warning Light.
Life sends us ‘warning lights’ from time to time. Their intended purpose is to give us a gentle nudge, reminding us that something may need a bit of attention, a tweak, a ‘topping up,’ or a few new questions answered. I try not to panic each time one appears, but I often do. When they light up on my dashboard, I speed dial the garage. However, when my heart acts as a dashboard, I ‘pull over,’ immediately addressing the doubts, the questions, the what ifs, the choices I made, the person I’ve become.
Most days, I coast along. But, as I am a mere human, there will still be panic moments. I must remind myself that it is just a warning light. I’ve got this.
From now on, I promise to give myself grace.